Independent Sleeping? Not for Us

Some might say that Kaylee is 3-years old now, she should be sleeping by herself, she should be falling asleep on her own, she should be able to go to sleep without her Mommy. And at times I do wish she was able to, that we could say good-night, turn off the light and not see or hear from her until 8am. But the reality and the truth is I don't want an independent 3-year old. I love that she needs to touch my hair and that she wants to cuddle. I love that I bring her comfort and make her feel safe. I can only hope I can provide her with those feelings my entire life, for her entire life.

Up until recently our bedtime routine was a long and frustrating process. It was taking Kaylee forever to fall asleep and often times I ended up asleep before she did. Curtis was getting frustrated because I wasn't sleeping with him or even saying good-night. I was getting a lot of sleep but it was either on a crib mattress or the floor, so my body was hurting. And Kaylee was sleeping great and was a happy camper because she had Mommy all night long.

It was obvious things needed to change, but unless we were going to change our opinion on co-sleeping (which is a bit to late for that) we needed to find a happy medium. Turns out that several small changes helped create our current bedtime routine. First, we stressed the fact that Mommy sleeps in Mommy and Daddy's bed and Kaylee sleeps in her bed. A point she didn't like but understood. Kaylee's point was that she didn't want to sleep by herself. So we said that Mommy will stay until you fall asleep. Second, we focused on making sure she was active all day long and then the last hour or so was quiet play, and last chance for snacks and drinks (snacks and milk are no longer allowed in bed since Kaylee started to protest against wearing a diaper at night). Third, Daddy became more involved in the bedtime routine. Either one of us will gets her in pj's, teeth brushed, potty, and then Curtis is always first to read books with Kaylee in the reading nook. Fourth, Curtis bought Kaylee a night light with the agreement that she could have it if she sleeps in her room. Fifth, Mommy reads three books, one last potty trip, and then lights out.

I stay with Kaylee until she falls asleep. While I sit with her in the dark room with the new night light on Kaylee and I talk. I try to sit next to the bed but usually end up in the bed next to her just like the picture. Kaylee says "Cuuudddllle with me, just one time.". So I curl up on the 4 foot mattress and we cuddle. Kaylee and I talk about our favorite parts of our day. I started doing this maybe a couple of months ago, and now it is something we do every night. We tend to summarize the entire day and it gives me an opportunity to reinforce any "lessons" from our day. Then we decide what we need and want to do the next day, and then I tell her it is time to be quiet and fall asleep. And before I know it, she is asleep. I quietly and carefully extract myself and finish my evening (dishes, talk to Curtis, surf the web, research workouts). Last week she fell asleep within 2-minutes after I said no more talking. And the other evenings have been quick enough that I don't grow frustrated or lose feeling in my legs. Now this new and improved bedtime routine doesn't guarantee 12-hours of uninterrupted sleep. It does come with several "Moommmmy!" cries around 2:30 and 4:30. At times I wake up with her next to me with no memory of her coming into the bed. But it is getting better. She is sleeping longer before she cries out for me, she is staying dry at night, she lets Curtis take care of her middle of the night cries (Kaylee says to Curtis I am cold, he gets her a blanket, she replies go away), and for the most part we are all getting some sleep, some cuddle time, and some alone time.

So when the day arrives that she no longer needs me to be next to her when she falls asleep, I will look back and fondly remember her requests "I want to touch your hair and cuddle." ... just for a little bit.